“I did NOT have three thousand pairs of shoes.
I had one thousand and sixty.”
I was messing around on Twitter last night with some fellow shoe-aholics, or shoe-ophiles, or Worshippers at the Altar of the Stiletto - whatever name you'd like to pin on us - and laughing my head off, when something occurred to me, randomly as per usual.
What is it about shoes that fascinates us so much? And when I say 'us', I mean 'me', and by 'me', I mean certain individuals who shall remain nameless; but who I know, were I to turn up anywhere in a pair of new season wedges, would immediately notice them and possibly rip them off my feet.
I think it all started with Cinderella. That girl has a lot to do with these shoe-nanigans. Think about it; living a life of drudgery, Fairy Godmother steps in, she goes to the ball all frocked up, meets the handsome Prince C... and lives happily ever after.
Oh hang on - I've missed the most important part out.
She lives happily ever after BECAUSE OF A PAIR OF SHOES.
Let's face it, that entire fairytale's plot rests on a pair of bespoke glass slippers. No shoes, no story. No Charming for old Cinders. She would have lived out her days talking to the mice in the kitchen (which is just doolally in the first place) and eventually popped her nasty wooden clogs (definitely not from one of the finer emporiums in the kingdom) scrubbing the floor or something equally yuck.
This is the Glass Slipper Theory of Why Shoes Matter So Much.
Obviously in order to get what you want in life, you have to be wearing kick-ass shoes. It's as simple as that. Imelda Marcos may not have been the nicest person in the world, but the Iron Butterfly knew what she wanted and how to get it - amazing footware. All one thousand and sixty pairs. Nicole Kidman - ditches Tom for Roast Lamb with Mum, and immediately gets her mojo back, because she's out of the ballet flats and into the stilettos before you can say 'Tom Cruise is really, really weird'.
I often think the reason Napoleon divorced Josephine wasn't because she couldn't produce an heir - it was down to the fact that she wore higher heels than he did. Short man syndrome got the better of him (and possibly envy over her shoes).
Shoes may not maketh the woman, but my goodness they maketh the woman feel better about herself. Because if you're in a good pair of heels, you walk tall - and yes I am speaking metaphorically. You own the world. And if your goal is a new job, or feeling confident walking into a party full of strangers - or, yes, even landing that mythical beast, the man of your dreams...
Then take off the sneakers and put on your equivalent of Cinder's glittery little numbers.
Instant Princess status.
And the ability to drive your stilettoed heel through anybody who is even remotely annoying you.
Now that's standing tall.
