The Night Before Christmouse

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.
— Cleveland Amory, The Cat Who Came For Christmas

Hey! It's me. Osky.

I finally managed to get rid of Squishy again, and just as well, because I found out something really veyetal - vitall - BIG is going down. 

The Satan Claws is coming again! I know because Squishy and the Opposable Thumbs were putting that yummy sparkly stuff up in the house and giving me a fun tree with shiny things on it to crash land in again.

This is how I know they love me. They love me so much they yell 'do it again Osky' but for some reason it comes out with a 'don't' in front of it, I don't know why this happens, I think they both have speech impedimmmmmen - problems. 

The Opposable Thumbs is angry at me anyway because I slept in his hard hat thingy he wears on his wheely machine. He shouldn't have left an Osky sized sleeping bag around the loungeroom, so it's ALL HIS FAULT. But I got the blame. 

So I need the Satan Claws to help me get a new hat for Thumbs. And something for Squishy. Last year he was USELESS. He didn't bring me anything and Squishy and stupid Thumbs went away and left me at home. All by my SELF. With the interwebs. And some funny thing called PayPals.

I got so many mouses and ate them all, I was sick for DAYS. 

I had lots of fun, but this is wrong and not in the spirit of Christmouse, but they have said they will not do it this year, and they gave me lots of mince when they got back last time, plus Squishy made the Thumbs brush me every night for TWO WHOLE WEEKS!

Satan Claws may not have loved me, but Squishy does. She is nice, and is warm, and lets me sleep on her head, so I will make sure Satan gives her something brillyunt. 


It is very obvious Satan does NOT LIKE OSKIES. So I am going to fool Satan Claws! Squishy was singing a stupid song about a raindear with a red nose so I am going to pretend to be one, and wait until Satan Claws arrives, and POUNCE on him because he thinks I am a raindear! He will have to give me a hat for Thumbs and good things for Squishy plus lots of Osky presents because I will have him captchad - captcherred - TRAPPED. 

I love Christmouse. Baby Cheeses sounds delicious also.

I wonder if Christmouse could come more than once a year? Then I would get more brushing, and lots of crunchy sparkly stuff. Yum.

Maybe I should tell Satan Claws that. 

Merry Christmouse. Make sure the other raindears don't get me please. They look scary, and I am not very big. I will make sure you get a present also, but not a very good one because I don't know you. 

Love OSKY.