Gold, Frank Good Sense And Purr: The Return Of Osky The Spy Cat

Hey! Satan Claws!

It’s hard to believe it has been a whole year since you came to see me, Osky the Spy Cat, at my house. My mum Kato and my pet the Opposable Thumbs like to pretend you come to see them, but we both know which way the cookie crumbles, and it is on the rug in front of the Christmouse tree that has lots of delishu-delicsh-yummy crunchy tinsel on it, which is also very fun to play in.

So are the cookie crums.

Kato yells at me for both these things, but then she hugs me and lets me sleep on her head so it is all okay. The Opposable Thumbs yells too, he does not hug so much, this is why I do not want you to bring him a very big present Satan Claws, he should maybe get a lump of cold.

Hey! Did you see the pitcher Kato drawed of me? I think I do not have pitcher spelled the write way, that is okay though because you know what I mean don’t you Satan Claws, you are the smartest person in the world except maybe Kato, she knows just where to scratch my tummy, this is a very big skill.

I did something nort-naut-bad though Satan, I used Kato’s things and put some snow in my pitcher, because it is VERY HOT HERE and I like snow, it is crunchy like tinsel, I wanted to pretend it was snow so please do not tell. You are like the narsty man who puts a stick up my bottom when I am sick, you cannot tell anyone things I know this for a FACT. It is confidensh-confidennnntial-secrut.

Snow is great! You can make snow cats, and eat it! But not the yellow snow! A tip from me, Osky!

I need to know some things, Satan Claws. I do not understand what Christmouse Carols are. The one first, why do you sing Christmouse songs about ladies named Carol, when you could sing about cats. The one second, you sing SCARY songs at Christmouse! Why would you go away with a stranger, when they do not even have a crib (which is very comfy) for a bed??? That is just dumb. Also. This is a tip, because I like you, and your reindears are funny – do not give away to anyone presents. NO PRESENTS TO ANYONE EXCEPT OSKIES, AND MAYBE KATO. You do not need to give kings things like gold and my purr, that is just wrong! It is not frank good sense, it is frank bad sense. They have enough stuffs.

I do not want much this Christmouse, Satan Claws. Some more actual mouses would be nice. Also, that song that says sleep in heavily peas sounds not very good, I would like to sleep heavily in tuna if that is alright with you.

Please look after Kato, she looks after me most of the time, except when the Opposable Thumbs opens my cans because she is busy writing about ME and helping me open the laptop because it’s hard for a cat.

Love your frend and extra reincat if you need some good slay power

OSKY THE SPYCAT

  Apparently worth millions.

Apparently worth millions.

PSSSSSSSSS: I still have not had any baby cheeses, plizz organise for this to happen, they sound very yummy. Merry Christmouse won and all.

 

All images © K Stone Matheson 2016. Digital watercolours of Osky the Spycat drawn on iPad Pro in Adobe Sketch, and Tayasui Pro using Apple Pencil and several smudgy fingers.